my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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