It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
