I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
