i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
