marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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