I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
