i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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