Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
