Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
