Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
