you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
