I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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