Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
