I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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