i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
