Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize