I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize