we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
