shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
