If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
