Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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