He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
