shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize