Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
