jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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