why didn't you poke me back
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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