we're blogging at a bar
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
