my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
