Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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