I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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