Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
