I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
3pm strippers are depressing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
