Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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