I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
