my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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