My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
