I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
