make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
