Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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