Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize