Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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