I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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