My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
