absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize