Sacagawea was the original milf.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
