Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
