is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
