I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
