I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
