i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
