he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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