you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
