i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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