I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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