trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
