I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
