I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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