Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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