She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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