There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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