i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he's gonorrhea incarnate
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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