Apparently you make a good broom.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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