you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
