i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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