Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
