Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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