Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
