I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
